The Pit of Grief
A pit with shovelfuls of "what ifs" and "whys" that cover you in guilt, sorrow, and hopelessness, from head to toe.
TRIGGER WARNING: This is more of a general, honest piece about grief and the feelings you are left with when someone you love is gone. My heart goes out to everyone experiencing grief in some way, no matter the circumstances or timeline. Please read at your discretion.
When you lose that person who was there for you through everything, who understood you the best, your world goes dark. It's almost as if a piece of your soul dims that day they left.
What they say about grief is semi-true. It can come in waves, cliche, I know. But for some, grief is more of a mile-long, unlit pit, with no end in sight.
For one minute you can be just fine, going to work or the store or watching TV. Something that distracts you.
Then, BAM, you hear that one song or drive past that one place. The distinct memories that were just between the both of you come flooding your mind, then you simply spiral into an emotional, hopeless pit.
A grief-filled pit with shovelfuls of "what ifs" and "whys" that cover you in guilt, sorrow, and hopelessness, from head to toe.
And when the pit is filled to the top, no air left, you're left with an emptiness in your heart and a permanent stomachache you can't shake, no matter how many Tums you take. You're looking for ways to escape from this hell -- and that's when the homesickness creeps in, burrowing itself in your heart and reminding you of the finality of it all.
Once you think you can't escape the pit of grief and loss, the precious memories you had created together come to the rescue to propel you to safety from your sad thoughts.
Then you crawl out of that pit, with the guilt and sorrow lightly dusted over you, back to some sort of stability that you created to keep yourself from falling apart in the first place. You may have a light dusting on you, but you're no longer completely covered by the guilt or emptiness.
It's okay to acknowledge these feelings won't go away completely. You'll always feel the emptiness and sorrow, just sometimes a little less. As they say, and I hope, it will get easier.
Grief is a universal feeling we all experience when losing an important person in life. Grief isn't linear and has no guidelines, circumstances, or timelines. Please be respectful of those who are experiencing grief. And if you are, my heart is with you during this time.
Here are some online resources for those who are grieving:
Hi Alexis, many thanks for subscribing to Carer Mentor. I like to read the work of new subscribers - so here I am. I'm so glad we're connected.
I read your article and wanted to offer my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your Mom Valerie.
Thanks for sharing those 3 grief resources I've not encountered them before, so I've added them to the resources list I've curated. You'll find lots of people to connect to via the Bereavement/Grief Anthology that you've liked.